Newsletter thought for the Feast of All Saints (1.11.09)
I’ll be honest, I was dreading going back to seminary. I’d had a fantastic time in the parish of Hampshire Downs, enjoying the delights of Winchester and savouring the food at Peterhouse! How on earth would I cope returning to a Victorian building with flies in the library, wasps in the showers and ice in the Chapel? I’m not painting a particularly flattering picture of St. John’s Seminary and I may be exaggerating somewhat for dramatic effect…. However, as I look back at the past six weeks from the comfort of my half-term holidays, I can see that my dread was ill-founded.
Formation for the Priesthood isn’t always the easiest of experiences, and I personally have had (and will continue to have) my share of ups and downs. But the crucial thing is that I am not alone. In the seminary itself I am sharing the journey with over 30 other guys. As much as we can irritate each other now and again (playing music too loudly, using up all the washing powder, eating the last slice of cake [Surely not, Steve!]etc. etc.) we do keep each other going with the well-placed smile and the encouraging word.
And then there is another group of people who share this journey with us: you! I cannot tell you how essential your prayers, encouragement and support are to those of us preparing for Priesthood. My year in Hampshire Downs reminded me why I am in this game (if I may put it like that!). You ask any of my brothers at seminary and they will say the same: we cannot wait to get out and live with real people, serving you, learning from you, working with you for the Kingdom of God.
Finally, there is one more community who support each and every one of us, whether we are in the seminary, school, home or workplace: the Saints, our brothers and sisters in Christ. Today reminds us of the amazing place they have in our lives as Christians, praying for us and guiding us towards Jesus. And it is because of Jesus that flies, wasps, cold, noise, washing powder and cake all pale into insignificance.
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People often ask me what I was doing before I started my formation at the seminary. I’d love to say that I had a high-powered role in banking, or a fulfilling career in teaching. But I didn’t. The truth is that I was searching.
I still am. For the past three years, I have been engaged in formation for the priesthood, and it would be wonderful to report that all my uncertainties have evaporated. It seems to me, however, that being a disciple does not offer us any facile solutions to life’s complexities.
Jesus calls on us to renounce ourselves, take up the Cross and follow Him. Yet we know that He is with us in our struggles and in our joys until the end of time. My pastoral placement here in Hampshire Downs is a crucial part of my search to know the Father’s will and to deepen my love for the Lord, all under the guidance of the Spirit. Somehow, often against my desire and my better judgment, I have completed three years of seminary formation. Try as I might to revert to type and run away, just like Jonah, God has lovingly held me by the hand and brought me along this path.
Every one of us has a vocation. Every one of us is called by name. Our calling is to grow in our loving relationship with God. Our calling is to explore, rejoice in and use the unique gifts that the Lord has showered on every one of us. Our calling is to serve, help and love one another. But ultimately our calling is not primarily to “do” something but to “be” someone: to be a child of God, to be a disciple, a sister, a brother of Jesus, to be alive with the Spirit and to be a light to the world.
For me, sometimes I feel loved by God, sometimes I feel pretty lonely. I struggle and at times agonise over whether I’m making the right decisions in my life. But however I’m feeling, whether up or down, good or bad, God has called me by name, I am His. That is the bedrock of my life. God has called all of us by name, we are all His, He loves us beyond words. And He longs for us to find our true identity, our true self, our true uniqueness in his Son, Jesus Christ.